Quotes

Dad: "I was waiting for my daughter to call me since it was Father's Day."
Me: (feeling really guilty) "I'm sorry Dad. How was your weekend?"
Dad: "Sad because I was waiting for my daughter to call me since it was Father's Day."

"You have to believe that you are the best thing since since sliced bread, but know you're not."

M: "I like the American work ethic. Americans put 100% into what they are doing. They love their job, they bruise their bodies for sport, they embrace something 100%. But going to Europe would be best for us."


R: "There is a price we pay for independence. If we were in France there is no way 2 women would be changing a flat. But in America, several men will go by without even a second glance."

Me: "I think we have trained our men well to not open doors."

M: "Yes. That is sad. But in France, you have the macho mentality. So you sacrifice too."


Monika: (clearing her plate of BBQ chicken) "Hey Sueann! Should I (points to my backyard chickens) feed them this?"
Me: "Sure! They'll eat anything....... ....... WAIT! NO! No! Don't feed the chickens chickens! Oh god, that's bad!"

R: "Was I the last to know this was going on?"
Me: "Yes. I'm sorry R."
R: "I'm an idiot."
Me: "No. You're a dude."
R: "You know? You're the third woman to say that to me."

P: (email) "I just wanted you to know, one of the piglets drowned this morning. But our pig is just fine. Guess M didn't realize you feed and water 'em in a trough, not a pickle bucket so the poor thing fell in and drowned. Guess it was good we named our pig Lucky."

Me: (at an estate sale) "You made it!"
C: "Yeah, wow. You got a lot of stuff. Did you get that Gucci bag too. (laughs)"
Me: "Yeah."
C: (serious) "OMG. No. Really?"
Me: "No."
C: "Shit, I almost thought you did."

Trin: "Going for a walk huh?"
Me: (double time march with Belle) "Yeah, more like job."
Trin: "Didn't go rollerblading with her huh?"
Me: "You can tell? Yup. She's full of energy."

Ben: (Pointing out that the on-coming car has one broken headlight) "Broken headlight! BEER! Did you play that?"
Me: "Where I grew up we couldn't drink while driving."
Ben: "We didn't always drink. It's that you owe me a beer."
Me: "Where I grew up we would say, 'You owe me a coke.' "
Ben: "Not, 'You owe me a bible?' "

D: "I think this is the first time I haven't been drunk with Harlow. (Looking at B scaling a rock cliff, doing a handstand, hugging everyone) ... Wow."

Darcy: "Uh. B had more beer."
Me: "Hmmm."
Darcy: "You sound just like your mom."
Me: "You've never met or heard her before."
Darcy: "I have a lot of Korean friends and 'Hmmm' is a common sound."

Dave: (To his youngest girl) "It's ok honey, you didn't mean to burn your sister's face."

Jen: (To her eldest daughter) "Under NO circumstances are you to EVER touch the drums!"

C: "She doesn't like the word pussy willow."
K: "It just...I can't say it."
C: "Or the word moist."
K: (shivers) 'Ug! and the word...panties. god I hate those words!"
Me: "So you'll never say, 'My panties are moist around my pussy?"
K: "AHHH!!! STOP! (covers her ears) Disgusting."

Me: (in the back of a pickup getting a ride up a hill to the reception) "This truck ride is really working out my keigal muscles."
Darcy: "Oh god we sound like old ladies!"

Random:

"It's not what you gather that matters, but what we scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived."

"I'm not fat compared to you."

"You're baby is so skinny. I mean, most babies are fat and yours is so thin. Not that that is a bad thing..or that..fat..."

E: "Honey. There's smoke. Is something burning?"
M: "Just the food."
E: "OK. I'll just kneel down to breathe. When's dinner?"